by Lindsay Warriner, MA, P-LPC, P-CST
We are constantly told a number of messages about what “good” sex ought to entail. These ideas can come from friends, family, books, movies, social media, our culture, and the greater society as a whole. What do all of these sexual “musts” add up to? A narrow view of sex and a lot of pressure to feel pleasure according to someone else’s definition! By expelling some of these myths, I hope to help you reframe your meaning of what sex can be and grant you the freedom to enjoy what you enjoy. As a reminder, sex and the meaning, feelings, behaviors, and thoughts we attach to it are all unique to each person. If any of the following ideas do equate to good sex for you, that’s okay! Our goal here is simply to broaden your definition of what good sex can be and alleviate some unnecessary stress from an activity that is supposed to be fun.
1. I must have a lot of sex to have good sex
Quantity does not equal quality! The number one goal of sex is for you to feel pleasure.
2. Sex must include penetrative sex to be good sex
There are soooo many ways to feel good in the bedroom. We’re not doing ourselves any favors by limiting our sexual activities to intercourse.
3. I must orgasm to have good sex
There’s no denying it feels great to achieve the big O, but it’s not necessary to have good sex. Let yourself enjoy the moment and stop focusing on what you think your body should be doing.
4. If my friend, partner, lover, etc. likes it, I must like it to have good sex
Sex is your experience, and nobody else’s. Naturally, we all like different things, so don’t restrict yourself to someone’s else view of pleasure.
5. My body must look or perform in a certain way to have good sex
You don’t have to look or act like a porn star to have good sex (newsflash: that stuff typically isn’t realistic!). Your body, no matter it’s shape or ability, has the capacity to experience some mind-blowing euphoria. To really hit this point home, good sex is about feeling good; that’s it!!