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Unapologetically Setting Boundaries

by Eleni Clavijo Adamopoulos, MA, LPC, Reiki Master


The word boundaries seems to come up a LOT in sessions with my clients and I can also reflect on how it pertains daily in my personal life.  Whatever the reason, boundaries are essential to a healthy relationship with self and others.  Regardless of what your boundaries are like, a great starting place is to give yourself permission to be true to yourself. What do you need to be at your best? Let's look at the logic of why setting boundaries is a good thing.



7 Vital Reasons to Set Healthy Boundaries


  1. Boundaries define who we are, and what we like and don’t like.

  2. We are able to accomplish what is important to us.

  3. When we give up ourselves, we feel resentful. Boundaries prevent resentment.

  4. People can’t use us

  5. Others know what to expect when we voice our needs

  6. Boundaries promote respect and self-reliance

  7. Boundaries create safety within relationships.


If boundaries are so important, then why don't we set them?  Why do we have so much difficulty setting boundaries? There are many different reasons we get anxious and would rather give up ourselves than set limits for others.


Common Reasons Why We Have Trouble Setting Boundaries


  • We want to be liked.

  • We seek to please others.

  • We are afraid of hurting other people’s feelings or of their reactions.

  • We are accustomed to being dependent on others.

  • We are afraid of rejection or being alone.

  • We feel overly responsible for others We don’t like or are afraid of conflict.

  • We aren’t clear about what we want so it's easier to just agree.

  • Our boundaries were disrespected or violated as children.


Even after we understand that it's important to set boundaries, many times we don't know HOW to set healthy boundaries. People used to tell me all the time, "Just say no!" However, setting a boundary for someone felt life-threatening due to the unsafe home I grew up in. And we're not children anymore; we have choices. 


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